Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Canada Survives

Well, it's over, and thank God. And now we got what we got. It could have been worse.

As a little House-warming (ha ha, get it?) gesture, I have some letters for each of the parties.

Dear Conservatives:

Congratulations on your win. You managed a very cautious and painstaking campaign, with some surprising accommodations to, well, to Canada .

Your job now is to continue to accommodate, not to charge in with the cavalry. I hope we made that clear last night. No gutting of social programs, no turning back the clock, no ass-kissing of aging superpowers, no nickel-and-diming on childcare.

To Stephen Harper, welcome to the hot seat. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha...!

Dear Liberals:

Well, phew, you survived. So the moral of the story is: Canadians will not tolerate corruption, even in relatively good economic times. This is still a liberal country: but you are in time-out until you learn to behave properly.

To Paul Martin, thank you for some effective though non-stellar leadership through recent crises. I appreciate the two balanced budgets and the calm hand on the tiller. I also appreciate your resignation. Your party has to convince Canadians that it's a new Liberal party if it expects to be elected again. How about a chick for leader?

Dear NDP – or should I just call you Jack?

Jack, you deserve the seats you got. Your job over the next two years is to focus like a laser on those social issues that need to be kept alive while the Tories are in power. We’re counting on you.

Cher Bloc:

It might look tres mal, but just give it un peu de temps. Vous avez un primo opportunity here to work avec Monsieur Harper to get most of les ideals de sovereignte into the nouveau federalism. Politics cree des bedfellows etranges.

Dear Green Party:

We're standing still, mates. Time to get out the lawyers and go after the CRTC.

To all the new MPs:

We have given you a mandate. Here is it: “Now SHUT UP and WORK TOGETHER for the next THREE YEARS, and we DON’T WANT TO HEAR A PEEP OUT OF YOU." Got it?

Yours very sincerely
Clearcut Blogger

Ditto and AMEN.
Doubt it's gonna happen, but wouldn't it be lovely.
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